Monday, January 24, 2011

Finding Happy

I know I promised that I would blog all the time, but things changed RAPIDLY over the last few months...things that were bigger than blogging in the middle of it all.

First, I moved out of the compound with forty two cats, three kangaroos, two giraffes, six dogs and a wildebeest and into a condo with my lovely friends who had an extra room and the willingness to put up with me while I went through the divorce from Mr. Tantrum. They have been amazing at supporting me and my wild schedule, and are so much fun.

Bacon has adjusted somewhat to the new arrangement. He is still at the compound in his bedroom with all of his things, and at his school. I have him three days a week, two after school and on Sunday. This helps keep the much needed AUTISM routine and prevents complete and utter breakdown. It is weird being at the compound on the days that I have him during the week...but it is what is easiest for Bacon, and that is all I care about right now.

I am working on getting a third job, because hello...I cannot sit still, and have lots of bills to pay. I am trying to find an apartment closer into the city avoiding the whole 50 mile a day commute back and forth to the sticks. Eventually the goal is to have a condo in the city...and maybe have Bacon come live with me. (If he wants to....he's still a little upset that I left Mr. T, and it is going to take some time for him to fully understand that.)

I have also found myself and happiness. I found that despite being scared shit less when I left, the freedom that came with happiness allowed me to realize what I really want in my life. That the thing that was holding me back in my marriage was not in fact my ex husband, it was me. I realize that by trying to hold things together in an effort to appear perfect and beautiful and wonderful I was actually hurting myself. Admitting that I wasn't happy, and walking away was the best thing for all of us.

This new journey is amazing, and wonderful, and I can't wait to share it with all of you.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Hibernation? No...Total CHAOS!!!

I haven't been ignoring all of you. Remember when I told you about Betty, and my job and how I love it? Yeah, well, a LOT has happened since then.

First Betty and I planned a trip to the beach, a girls weekend. Right before we left the salon owner informed us that she was leaving because she "needed a job with insurance" and she was starting that "job with insurance" the following Monday. Leaving Betty and I to run a salon.

Second we found out that the other reason she left was that she was far behind on the rent with the landlord and he was SUING her. (Where she took the money we gave her for rent we aren't sure.) The landlord loves us, redid the lease for us all new and shiny, and is happy as a clam. We big puffy heart him.

Third we sort of flipped out.

Finally, we got it together and in no particular order: finished remodeling the salon, found a kick ass stylist to come in and rent the third station (even if it did take 6 weeks), amped business back up, got our heads sort of back on straight, sent our children back to school, found a really amazing hamburger place, became addicted to sandwiches, and have also taken to using far more hair and self tanning products than normal.

I also have been busy doing wedding makeup, wedding hair, and booking more manicures and pedicures with the latest technology in gel polish (the stuff stays on for THREE WEEKS) than I can shake a stick at. I love it.

I always wanted to own or be co-owner of a salon, just maybe not be THROWN into it like a football at the forty yard line.

Bacon is doing well in spite of Momma working eleventy billion hours. He actually kind of WANTS to spend time with me now when I am home, and is doing well at school. (On the days he doesn't come home with 12 referrals for calling some adult a doody head, or pouring milk on another kid. He's 6...boys do weird stuff.) I am still exhausted, but it is now a happy exhausted, and am finding I don't need as much coffee to keep me going. STRANGE, I know.

I promise to update more often now that everything is settling into order and there are no more walls to paint or spackle for a while. I have missed all of you....and have missed out on telling you all the HILARIOUS stories about some of the crazies that come into our lives on a daily basis!!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Sailing Away....

I am so excited about leaving tomorrow for some Rest and Relaxation. I cannot wait. Especially since Bacon's sleep study is COMPLETE, and we have no other pending medical appointments for a while.

They moved the study to Monday because they had a cancellation which was GREAT. We checked in to the sleep lab at 8pm, and Cheryl got Bacon all ready to go. He got to jump on the hotel bed (yes our sleep lab is in the 5th floor of a HOTEL! This makes patients more relaxed since there isn't that icky hospital smell!), crank up the television and run down the hall. Then he sat and watched GARFIELD while she attached eleventy billion wires and doo dads to his head, chest legs and face. There were so many wires that they zipped them up in a tube like thing that then made him appear to be some kind of Star Trek cyborg. He had a REALLY hard time with the tubes they put up his nose, but after some GIANT tears he fell asleep and did beautifully on the infrared camera, and hooked to the wires.

After the study was over he got to take a shower and then we headed down to the breakfast buffet. They had scrambled eggs, sausage, waffles, bagels, oatmeal, donuts, toast, and more. Bacon settled for a bowl of plain Cheerios, a biscuit (like the fluffy kind from KFC) and a Pepsi. SERIOUSLY. Mr. T and I just sat and the table and laughed hysterically.

Bacon does NOT need surgery to remove any body parts. He does have sleep apnea, but we are treating it for environmental allergies before we do anything else. He also has restless leg syndrome, so we went today and had some blood work done to determine if he needs iron supplements etc. I am also trying the bar of soap in the bed trick that a client told me about. We will see where we end up. I am just relieved it is all over.

I am also ready to head off into the sunset with Betty, sit on the beach all weekend and maybe drink some wine and eat grown up food. No kids screaming for bums to be wiped, no husbands pawing at us for anything...although I think they may be calling us to see how we are....I am also ready to not feel guilty for enjoying a little time to rest and relax. I deserve it after all!

Friday, August 6, 2010


This week has been full of doctor visits. Two trips to the psychologist for Bacon, one to the sleep study clinic and one trip to Urgent Care for Mr. T. It has made me tired, and sick.

It started on Sunday when Mr. T woke up so swollen that we thought we would have to cut off his wedding ring. Fortunately, with some cold water and butter it came off only scraping the first three layers of skin off his finger. He still appeared to have hands that looked like Mikey Mouse's gloves. He decided that he should go to the doctor. (The man never goes to the doctor, so I knew it was serious.) It was decided by the doctor that he had some sort of allergic reaction to something he touched, and was given benadryl, and some other anti itch stuff. He also FINALLY asked about his 1200 year old cough, and got an asthma diagnosis. With an inhaler he has not coughed once this week, for the first time in 1200 years!

The first trip to the psychologist was just for Mr. T and I to consult with him. Bacon went yesterday for the first time. I assumed that he would observe and talk to him, but of course you know what happens when you ass-u-me....Instead he told Bacon that we could go to the toy store a few blocks over once he answered a couple of questions for him.

Bacon took forever to decide to answer the questions.

He paced the hall, rolled on the floor, shoved his hand down my shirt and grabbed my boob, said he had a headache, and went to the restroom 4 times.

Finally when the doctor said time was up and we wouldn't be able to go, he answered the questions. We got to go to the toy store.

Mr. T and I got a LOT of homework.

The sleep study consult went well, he will go in and be hooked up to monitors on the 12th. And they will more than likely decide that his tonsils need to come out. I just hope we can get it all done and over before school starts. He is thrilled to have the sleep study done because he saw it on the show HOUSE and HOUSE is really cool.

Now, today, I will be headed to the doctor because the cold that Bacon brought home from school has moved into my chest and between the coughing and burning I have been keeping myself awake at night. More than likely bronchitis...which is so much fun to have in the middle of summer, but thankfully a little antibiotic treatment and I should be better in time for the next round of trips to the doctors.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Betty and Me

I love my job. I may have mentioned that a few times lately, but I really do. I have great clients, and a great little (and by little I mean like less than 1000 square feet) salon, and great co-workers.

One of them and I have become very marvelous friends.

We have lunch, text each other before bed, and even got our boys together to beat the crap out of each other's "NUTS" while we squared away insurance.

This of course translates into our husbands - both on the same day mind you - thinking that we are somehow secret lovers.

We went to a marvelous lunch yesterday in the Belmont neighborhood and then got tiny little cupcakes after. Betty's husband called on her cell and asked what we were doing. "We just got cupcakes." she told him.

"DUCT TAPE?" Mr. Betty replied

"NO! C-U-P-C-A-K-E-S!" Betty screamed into her phone

"Are you two going to tape each other together with that duct tape?" Mr. Betty asked all excited like.

"NO!! CAKE!! WE HAVE CAKE!!" Betty screamed before hanging up on him

We giggled uncontrollably at how bad his hearing is and continued on to acupuncture.

Then I came home and was asked the following line of questioning:

"Where'd you get the bag of goodies?" Mr. T asked

"At Zupan's and Saint Cupcake."

"What were you doing down there?"

"I was with Betty. We had lunch."

"What is going on with you two? Are you secret lovers or something?" Mr. T asked excitedly

I ignored his question, threw a shoe at his head and went to sleep. Clearly neither Mr. T or Mr. Betty understand the importance of girl bonding. Especially when you live in a house of all men - Betty has 3 boys under the age of 16, and I have Mr. T and Bacon - and eleventy billion animals. Somehow I don't see things letting up either, because sometimes it sounds like Mr. Betty and Mr. T are the same person...and I am sure that once we get them together to kick each other in the nuts things will be worse...MUCH WORSE!!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Lessons Learned

Nana Tantrum raised me, so very little shocks her. She rolls with it when the kids say weird stuff or throw a hissy fit on the floor. She is really good at that, thanks to all her experience with me and my brother. However two weeks ago when Bacon asked her about earwigs and babies she fell on the floor and nearly died.

I think it went like this:

"OH WOW!! LOOK!! An EARWIG!!" says Nana

"AWESOME!" the grandchildren chime in unison

"Nana?" asks Bacon, "Do earwig babies come out of their momma's butts?"

That is when Nana fell on the floor and died or fainted or stroked out or something.

When I arrived that evening for dinner I got scornful looks and questions about the butt thing.

It turns out that the whole thing started in May when we were driving Bacon to school past the horses and the cows and one was giving birth. We thought this would be a good "teaching" opportunity, and a good time to "witness the miracle of life" for all of us so we pulled over to watch. The baby was born and Bacon cheered and we went to school.

A few weeks ago Mr. Tantrum and I were watching "I didn't know I was Pregnant" on the health channel when Bacon was in bed and supposed to be asleep. OF COURSE HE WASN'T ASLEEP BECAUSE HE NEVER SLEEPS and might just be a cyborg, and burst into our room right as the actress got on all fours and pushed that baby out onto the gurney. From that he deciphered that babies come out of butts, and I was fine with that.

I didn't realize that he would then hold on to this knowledge for eternity and use it against me in the Nana court of law. But he did, and I had to explain all of this craziness. Nana was fine with it, but I think that she is still secretly shocked and appalled that he asked her that.

I have learned that any "miracle of life" or "teaching" opportunities should be passed on...and he can find out about all of that when he is a parent and his children ask Mr. Tantrum and myself if babies come out of bug's butts.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Eleventy Billion Reasons We Can't See Your Baby

I forgot to let the world know that the newest member of our extended family arrived on July 17th. Bacon and his little cousin did not have to witness the birth (much to my relief) and as of yet none of the immediate Tantrum 3 have seen the baby.

Which of course Bacon doesn't fail to remind me

We would have gone to see them at the hospital, but Bacon had diarrhea.

Once the diarrhea was cleared up he got a Sea Lion like cough from his best friend at summer camp.

Then on Friday while driving out to see Nana Tantrum for dinner he puked three times when we were ONE BLOCK FROM OUR destination.

Thankfully, Bacon was just overheated/carsick, and was fine once I got him home and settled in. He still has the Sea Lion cough however, and I don't think that ANYONE I know would like their baby to get that at not even 10 days old. (Although these are the same people that thought everyone would like to see the video of said baby coming out of her mother's vagina, so you never can be certain about these things.)

That said, Bacon still cries/screams/whines that he hasn't seen his baby cousin yet. When I try to explain he replies that there is no sickness in him and he just wants to look at her and feed her tomatoes.

He also now wants a baby sister or a big sister or maybe a donkey. He really isn't sure. I have tried all the usual distraction techniques: "LOOK! AN EAGLE!", dancing around and making up stupid songs, telling him I am booked solid at work, or just falling asleep. Maybe if I get him a donkey he'll quit asking for a sibling, somehow though I doubt it, he'll just want a saddle to ride the pony and a sibling to walk it around the ring for him.