Monday, July 26, 2010

Lessons Learned

Nana Tantrum raised me, so very little shocks her. She rolls with it when the kids say weird stuff or throw a hissy fit on the floor. She is really good at that, thanks to all her experience with me and my brother. However two weeks ago when Bacon asked her about earwigs and babies she fell on the floor and nearly died.

I think it went like this:

"OH WOW!! LOOK!! An EARWIG!!" says Nana

"AWESOME!" the grandchildren chime in unison

"Nana?" asks Bacon, "Do earwig babies come out of their momma's butts?"

That is when Nana fell on the floor and died or fainted or stroked out or something.

When I arrived that evening for dinner I got scornful looks and questions about the butt thing.

It turns out that the whole thing started in May when we were driving Bacon to school past the horses and the cows and one was giving birth. We thought this would be a good "teaching" opportunity, and a good time to "witness the miracle of life" for all of us so we pulled over to watch. The baby was born and Bacon cheered and we went to school.

A few weeks ago Mr. Tantrum and I were watching "I didn't know I was Pregnant" on the health channel when Bacon was in bed and supposed to be asleep. OF COURSE HE WASN'T ASLEEP BECAUSE HE NEVER SLEEPS and might just be a cyborg, and burst into our room right as the actress got on all fours and pushed that baby out onto the gurney. From that he deciphered that babies come out of butts, and I was fine with that.

I didn't realize that he would then hold on to this knowledge for eternity and use it against me in the Nana court of law. But he did, and I had to explain all of this craziness. Nana was fine with it, but I think that she is still secretly shocked and appalled that he asked her that.

I have learned that any "miracle of life" or "teaching" opportunities should be passed on...and he can find out about all of that when he is a parent and his children ask Mr. Tantrum and myself if babies come out of bug's butts.

1 comment:

Givinya De Elba said...

Oh no. This is the worst possible thing. Now the family will use this against you, saying that of course you should have let Bacon watch the baby-blasting-out-of-the-vagina show so he could l.e.a.r.n.

Oh my dear. I am sorry. I hope they don't give you grief.