Saturday, May 30, 2009

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Last night we were sorting out our 400+ dvd's and our even bigger CD collection so that I could pack mine for the move. It SHOULD have been an easy task. We really don't like the same things, so easily it should have been black and white on who got what. 

It wasn't. 

It turned into Mr. Tantrum saying every three minutes, "That was a gift you gave me!" or "I bought that for you, so I should get to keep it!" Seriously?!? You want to keep my copy of Gone With The Wind and Scarlett? You are crazy! 

As it dwindled down I mentioned that I am planning on taking some classes in the spring and I will need him to take Bacon for 7 weekends straight. I would be more than happy to do the same, should something come up for him that he needs to do and take Bacon for the 7 weekends before or after so he can have some freetime. 

I hoped that this would be fine. Instead it turned into him screaming at me about "not spending enough time with Bacon" and "being selfish and not trading weekends" with him.  

He made me so mad I was seriously contemplating jabbing his eyes out with a fork. 

Even when I explained what it was and how it would work he still screamed at me and shook his fists in the air like some crazy old hermit man. I explained that I would still have Bacon for the same amount of time he wouldn't hear of it. 

I think he is mad that I am making plans and moving on. I think that he is irritated that there are still things that I want to pursue to enhance my life. I am wondering this morning if he thinks that by acting like this I will come running back to him wanting to reconcile. 

I know that he is hurt, and I know that it will take time to get him to a place where he can be somewhat civil, but seriously arguing and shouting make me really want to have NOTHING at all to do with him. They make me feel all stabby and bitter that I did stay as long as I did, and remind me that no matter how much you think you can make something work, sometimes it just isn't meant to be. 

Thankfully things are now sorted and boxed so that when the day comes I can move and be done. Hopefully, when I pack up my Cuisinart and Kitchen Aid he won't start yelling about how he needs those too. Hopefully, by the time this is all over we can at some point be friends like we were before we got married. And HOPEFULLY he can find a woman who will love him and cherish him the way he deserves. I just want him to be happy and settled, for all of our sakes.  


Ann(ie) said...

He will get there. I promise you. When you're not the one that wants the divorce it just takes longer and they tend to wear their heart on their sleeve and go through all of those lovely stages of grief right in front of you, but usually they see it your way and admit it later that it just wasn't a fit anymore. Hang in there, sugar. I'm glad we're going out tonight!

Anonymous said...

i would appreciate it if you didn't lie about me on your blog. I never wanted gone with the wind, i have never yeld at you and i have never raised a hand to you. I am mad because all i have done is rearrange my work scedule to watch bacon when its your time because there is always something you have to do that dosn't involve him. And yes i read your blog too see what you say about me.

Odd Mom Out said...

Its going to take a long while before he reaches that point. Pack up your stuff when he's not there. And if he doesn't want Bacon for the weekends then say its okay, you have a nanny (even if you don't).

buffi said...

I can't even imagine how difficult this is for both of you. I watched my best friend go thru this a few years ago & the hurt on both sides was so hard to see, especially for two people that I love. I was so close to this place not that long ago. And I wouldn't wish those feelings on anyone.

I have been keeping you in my prayers, Faith. All of you. You know I love you & am here for you!

Crazy Sister said...

Hang in there, Mr Tantrum. We all know you're a good guy - Mrs T has never said otherwise! And of course you didn't want Gone With The Wind specifically, but dividing stuff must be hard.

Glad you didn't have any forks, Mrs T! It's nice that your goal is for everyone to be happy and settled.

QuJaBaKa said...

Dear Mr and Mrs T,
Being in the same boat regarding the blog reading thing I just wanted to say, Mr T do you feel better knowing what Mrs T said? I deliberately choose not to read my ex's site because it hurts me more than it helps anyone.
Mrs T, yup I have been the one doing the leaving and its hard to try and work with no space between you, the move will make friendship an option, but Mr T will hurt for a long time to come. Hugs to you both.

*Becky* said...

Okay, I have been so out of the loop dealing with my own sh*t I had no idea? I am going through the same thing. Sounds like the exact same thing, I need to read up here.

I bought couches today. I move out July 1st.

It's a tough deal all around.

I'm so sorry, so sorry. I have no doubt our stories are similar. We have similar boys after all!

The Chick said...

Like you and Becky, I also have a son with autism and am going through a separation/divorce. I think it's harder for us than most typies because our kids needs are so different. I know my communication level with my ex is so necessary, but it's still sometimes hard. I hope you hang in....knowing we're all going through this makes me feel sad but also strangely connected. Best in all things, Ms. T!!!!