Friday, November 7, 2008

Handy Tips For You Edition 1200

Here are some handy tips for you, per usual they are just things that I have gathered through various observations. 

- If you have a cupboard full of travel coffee mugs and you are thinking of getting rid of ALL OF THEM. Don't. Someday you will return to work and need them. Thus making it necessary to buy more. Thus feeding into your sick obsession with travel mugs all over again. 

- If you are going to have children, learn to swear in a foreign language. This would have proven invaluable for me as I have something of a horrible sewer like mouth. Now every time an expletive slips out of my mouth in the presence of Bacon I get yelled at, spanked and then asked if I liked the spanking. If I answer that I didn't like it, he will continue spanking me and yelling like some sort or twisted dominatrix on steroids. 

- When your doctor changes your medication dosages up or down, make sure that the first couple of days you are at home and not in the middle of a HUMONGOUS project with spread sheets, addresses, and discounts. This change in medication WILL MAKE YOU LOOPY. It will make your co workers ask if you were drinking at lunch, and it will make your boss think you are a dip shit. 

- Don't quickly slip on a pair of your favorite jeans and then run downstairs to greet friends. Make sure that these jeans - even though they aren't that old or tight - will indeed hold up to bending and twisting and such. Otherwise you may end up showing your friends your backside through your newly shredded rear of the jeans the first time you bend over to pick up a goldfish cracker off the carpet. 

Have a great Friday, and if you have Handy Tips you would like to add, please email them to me, or add them in the comments! 

2 comments:

Laurie of the Seven Stories said...

Faith,
I love your new site. Things have been crazy and I have been out of blogging business for a while, but I just saw your pics on FB and I thought that I wanted to come and read you, get a laugh and say Hi.
I may go back to blogging soon. I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, I'm going try at least to start reading again.

Your VP, Laurie

Givinya De Elba said...

Thanks for the tips! Loved the picture of Bacon as a dominatrix on steroids. Hate medication problems, hope you're unloopy soon. And about the jeans - ha! We like jeans like that over here. Sad.

My country cousins used to take their jeans out to the washing line, hang them up and shoot holes through them. For that 'I Just Got Shot and Didn't Bleed' look. Once they blew the zipper right out of a new expensive pair of jeans.