Saturday, August 16, 2008

Leaving On A Jet Plane

Right now I am on a plane hurdling wildly through the atmosphere. I am headed out of Seattle toward our nation's capital, Washington DC. I am excited about the trip, time alone with Mr. T, grown up food, talking to grown ups etc. I am not excited about willingly climbing inside a giant metal tube and hurling through space toward my destination. 

I know in the tiny 1/9th of an inch space in my brain that flying is indeed one of the safest methods of travel. I also like traveling to different places to see new things and experience different cultures. I just hate the taking off and landing part. I also hate that whole crammed into an uncomfortable seat, get yelled at if you move, can't go to the bathroom because you are afraid you will end up blue Ala Beverly D'Angelo in Vegas Vacation part of flying. (Seriously, I cannot pee in the bathroom because of the scene in the movie National Lampoon's Vegas Vacation where Chevy Chase and Beverly D'Angelo attempt to join the mile high club and hilariously end up covered in blue toilet water and nearly sucked out down the toilet! That I think should qualify me for SOME sort of special label.

When I arrive at the airport and get through security I will find the first bar that serves cocktails and wash down a Xanax with a gin and tonic. This will calm my nerves enough to allow me to fly without giving a monkey's ass who or what is going on around me inside the giant metal tube. When I stop in Atlanta I will lather, rinse and repeat. This makes my, Mr. T and the flight crew's lives more tolerable. Crazy stupid? Sure it is, but it works and at least I have a guide and am not doing something stupid enough to end my up arrested and on the evening news. 

Well at least not tonight, tomorrow of course is another day!

1 comment:

Givinya De Elba said...

At least it works! Not ending up on the evening news is good.