I know that I am not the only mom struggling with a homicidal 4 year old at every store we go into. I see the other mom's there frantically trying to get everything on their list before there is mass chaos and meltdowns on aisle nine. I totally understand how those moms feel. I am one of them, begging pleading and bribing my child to behave so I can get through one trip to somewhere without being emotionally scarred for life by yet another homicidal melt down.
I also see the perfect little Stepford Mom with her Benadryl dosed kids looking down her really long Pinocchio nose at the rest of us, like she can't understand how our heathen children could behave so badly in public. She is a nut job. She makes me puke in my mouth. She also makes me want to beat the ever living crap out of her.
Her little farce of a life makes me feel bad about my mothering, because I am lame and dumb and let it get to me. I know that I shouldn't, I know that kids don't sit in carts quietly without drugs, but deep inside I long for my child to act like that. I want to be that Stepford Mom, for just a day. The mom that no one makes a comment to about how "kids never listen" or "isn't four just so FUN" or some snide comment about his screeching.
You know what? Today I am resolving to tell every one of those Stepford Moms to SUCK IT. You should to. Let's band together and let them know that they are not going to get us down, they are not better than us, and they will not make us feel bad about our parenting skills. (I can do that all by myself thank you very much!) Call their bluff! Slap those ladies upside the head! Pants them in aisle nine!
If you catch yourself trying to be a Stepford Mom slap yourself upside the head with a brick! Then swiftly get home and call your doctor. Tell him that you need to be seen immediately as you are having illusions of grandeur, and that children behave like little quiet zombies all the time. He will have you checked in immediately to a nice quiet little place for a couple of weeks where they can resolve this problem. I am planning on calling when Bacon gets back from my Crazy Aunt Ethel's house.