Sunday, July 6, 2008

Suck It Stepford Moms!

I often struggle with being a Mom. This whole thing isn't as easy as everyone would like you to think. No one wants to tell you that when you are pregnant. No one tells you that it is OKAY to be out of your mind, and not love every single moment of being the person in charge. It doesn't mean that you don't love your child, it means that you are a human being. It means that being a parent is HARD WORK. 

I know that I am not the only mom struggling with a homicidal 4 year old at every store we go into. I see the other mom's there frantically trying to get everything on their list before there is mass chaos and meltdowns on aisle nine. I totally understand how those moms feel. I am one of them, begging pleading and bribing my child to behave so I can get through one trip to somewhere without being emotionally scarred for life by yet another homicidal melt down. 

I also see the perfect little Stepford Mom with her Benadryl dosed kids looking down her really long Pinocchio nose at the rest of us, like she can't understand how our heathen children could behave so badly in public. She is a nut job. She makes me puke in my mouth. She also makes me want to beat the ever living crap out of her. 

Her little farce of a life makes me feel bad about my mothering, because I am lame and dumb and let it get to me. I know that I shouldn't, I know that kids don't sit in carts quietly without drugs, but deep inside I long for my child to act like that. I want to be that Stepford Mom, for just a day. The mom that no one makes a comment to about how "kids never listen" or "isn't four just so FUN" or some snide comment about his screeching. 

You know what? Today I am resolving to tell every one of those Stepford Moms to SUCK IT. You should to. Let's band together and let them know that they are not going to get us down, they are not better than us, and they will not make us feel bad about our parenting skills. (I can do that all by myself thank you very much!) Call their bluff! Slap those ladies upside the head! Pants them in aisle nine! 

If you catch yourself trying to be a Stepford Mom slap yourself upside the head with a brick! Then swiftly get home and call your doctor. Tell him that you need to be seen immediately as you are having illusions of grandeur, and that children behave like little quiet zombies all the time. He will have you checked in immediately to a nice quiet little place for a couple of weeks where they can resolve this problem. I am planning on calling when Bacon gets back from my Crazy Aunt Ethel's house. 

10 comments:

Black Hockey Jesus said...

I am all man, Momma's Tantrum. Rest assured.

dailypiglet said...

i've only seen kids like that on television.

Rock and Roll Mama said...

I'm with you, Momma's tantrum. I will mow down the Stepford Moms with my cart at Target. And if I catch myself trying to iron anything, I will iron my own head like Dobby. Good thing about that: don't think I have an iron. We'll cross that off the list...

Kath said...

I for one, would never have swapped my vivacious argumentative screeching boy child for one of those brain challenged "good" kids for a million bucks. I found there was enough wine and medication for me to see me through.

The fact you THINK about your parenting makes you a damn fine parent in my book. Keep it UP! We will raise the next generation with a little spirit and a lotta backbone!

LiteralDan said...

I'd tell the Stepford Moms to suck it and then pants them, but I'm pretty sure that as a man I couldn't do it without getting some kind of sex offender status for the rest of my life.

So I'll leave it to you ladies who are my kindred spirits as extremely imperfect parents.

brightmyer said...

I yell at my kids when they make me angry and I allow my kids to speak their mind. Stepford Moms want everything perfect - my life will never be perfect; I'm only human!

musing said...

At one time I was stupid enough to think I could write a book about parenting. Then child number four came along who never slept, had frequent tantrums, and refused to sit in his car seat without screaming the whole time.

He's all grown up, now, and has at least stopped shrieking in the car. But, that book idea...out the window.

Ann(ie) said...

I'm wit ya, girlie. I'm all for telling them to suck it. Can we make it a field trip of sorts and drag worker mommy along???? say yes. I'll bring the gin and tonicky's. 8)

Ms Picket To You said...

screw the stepford moms -- i'm going for valley of the dolls mom.

buffi said...

Stepford moms....they could TOTALLY us a good TXU-ing. (yes, it's a verb now)