This will I promise be my last post for a while about politics and all of the insanity that surrounds it. I just had and epiphany of sorts and had to share it with you all, because it was so good.
A Mommy Blogger needs to run for president.
Why, you ask? Who else can manage a house full of screaming kids, a husband, two dogs, four cats, hamsters, spiders homework, the PTA, the MOMS Club, cook dinners that are edible and semi nutritious, while packing up the house to move to god knows where because daddy is getting a new job 5 weeks after the newest baby is born, all while writing about it in a witty and funny way without loosing her mind COMPLETELY? A Mommy Blogger can!
No old man, or middle aged man can do that. (Although I am sure that a Daddy Blogger or two could also run, and that would be good, a Mommy or Daddy Blogger for President and the other for Vice President!) Let's show the world that Mom's and Dad's can work together in a bi partisan effort to get it done. That it isn't about mom jobs or dad jobs it is about getting stuff done, with humor and wit and very little sleep.
Now before any of you nominate ME for this position let me tell you why I am not qualified.
- First of all I cannot be trusted to not use my fierce potty mouth in front of Prime Ministers.
- Secondly if Kim Jong Il called with threats to me, I would probably only piss him off by saying, "I don't care if you are the POPE! I said no! I am the President, and I mean NO!"
- Thirdly, I have also been known quite frequently to spout of with stupid things like "That is gay!" (as in DUMB) or "That is Retarded" (as in STUPID) all the time. This would widely offend 99.999% of the American public and I would immediately be impeached by Senator McGeriatricDiaper to whom I gave a heart attack for telling I wasn't going to sign his bill giving him more retirement money.
- Fourthly I don't have time to campaign and do all that other BS. I do not care what anyone thinks about my hair, nor do I care if so and so likes my outfit. I am not going to tell TrashTainmentNewsWeekly what I like to eat for dinner, and if I want a damn french fry I will eat it. I also will have all of these so called "reporters" fed to the lions. Because lions are hungry, and they need to eat stuff with lots of cholesterol, and collagen has LOTS of cholesterol.
- Fifth I like to drink, I like coffee, and I like Botox. These are not things that the first woman president should be known for. She should be known for more feminine things.
- Sixth The only real knowledge I retained about the legislative process is from the School House Rock song "I'm Just a Bill"
You see based on that I am NOT qualified for the White House at all! In fact, I am the LEAST qualified Mommy Blogger out there. (Well I would make Target hand out booze at the door to all the moms.) There are others more qualified, and more deserving, and who wouldn't need to be institutionalized 2 weeks in from insanity.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
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12 comments:
your "fierce potty mouth" is exactly what diplomacy needs sometimes :-)
Maybe if a Mommy blogger WAS the president we wouldn't have to put up with some of this stupid press/ media crap. It would all be right there in her blog. And if the press were unkind to her she could... blog about them. Her Pagerank would have to be like a 9 or 10. And if she needed to call upon the forces of a certain elite girl gang, she'd only have to tweet and we'd back up the sister. Ya Think then we'd all get new digital SLR cameras to review?
Booze, Coffee & Botox? I think I've got my new words to live by. What I want to know is, when will the State of the Union address become the Fight the Frump Address? Because really? The House of Reps could use a make-over.
Your spider has homework?
Wicked!
The Target idea is enough to make you president in my mind.
I don't care, I'm still voting for you. If my father says "I don't like either one" you know its going to be a tough year.....
I'm writing in your name
I could have written your "Thirdly." Such exclamations of "that's gay," or "That's retarded," have come out of my mouth at the most inconvenient times.
I totally think you are onto something here though. We bloggers are amazing folk. Narcissistic? Maybe, probably, but what politician isn't? We bloggers can handle a crap-ton of work, and GET THINGS DONE. What Politician does that?
I said that's retarded on the phone to my friend at least 10 times today. Maybe I could be your VP, that way at least you wouldn't offend your running mate?
Think about it. We could use the seaplane on the campaign trail.
Yat - My campaign shirts will read "Potty Mouth For Prez"
That Lady - You are right. Those crazy media people would have NO IDEA what hit them! Also totally getting us free stuff.
TxPoppet - Nancy McGrody is first on the wagon to the surgeon. She does not need more botox but complete reconstruction!
Witchypoo - my spoiders have more homework than the dang kid does! (damn puncuation!)
Brittany - hubby doesn't think the Target idea will fly. He thinks it is "Batshit Crazy" and will get me locked up in the Nut House.
*Becky* - You can't write in my name, I am not 35, I have a record, and if I get elected your getting a Fucking time out!
Red - Maybe I won't offend as many as I thought I would...
Laurie - Oh, we are totally rockin the campaign trail in the white swimsuits, old navy cover ups and the sea plane. We just need to teach the kids to be at the site before us and scream "THE PLANE! THE PLANE! MOMMYS ON THE PLANE!"
I just aspirated a Lays potato chip through my nose...
HYSTERICAL, HAHAHAHAHAHAH, HAHAHAH
*crawling to her time out corner*
LOL - Your list of reasons why shouldn't may apply to all the mommy bloggers. LOLOLOL
Featured on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle.
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