HOT Mama's Know Fake Tans

Hot Mama's Know is brought to you by the LOVELY Absolutely Bananas. She's a hip, funny gal, and this Hot Mama's thing is GREAT because for once I don't have to talk about poop or hot flashes.

I love me some golden brown skin. I love laying out when we are at business meetings in Florida, Mexico or Hawaii. I know it isn't the best thing in the world for me so I have gotten mighty knowledgeable about the whole tan in a bottle thing in the past couple of years.

Let me tell you, those suckers can not only stink to HIGH hell, but if they aren't good you can look like some kind of streaky freaky oompa loompa mess ala Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory. (Trust me I have been there. The streaked look, not the chocolate factory.)

So here is the LOW DOWN on my favorites.

First is the more expensive option that is admittedly more time consuming, St. Tropez Tan. The beauty of this is that even if you get too much on or it is streaky, it washes off to a perfect tan every time. (Which is like some sort of magical wonderful genius if you are a mom, because around here, I am inevitably half way through when the phone rings or someone is screaming for their butt to be wiped.) This is something that was a professional and Hollywood sevret for quite a few years, but is available direct from their website. It is pricey, but if you want a great tan, regardless of your skin tone, this my friends is the way to go.

I suggest getting this in the 8 oz size (this will last a LONG time because a little goes a long way, but buy the big size now and don't run out and freak out during an application!) This in the 8oz size, you might get 2 because that lotion is great all the time. In all honesty you don't really need this because any exfolliater will work, but it does smell and feel good.

The kits they have are spendy, and you run out quickly. So buying individually is a better way to go. (OH, and DO NOT forget THIS it is amazing and works better than anything I have EVER used to remove mistakes.)

Second up to the plate is my new favorite friend, Faux Tan from Bare Escentuals. This baby is a lotion that DOESN'T get that funky self tanner smell. It actually smells like coconuts and flowers!! People, this means you can get a fake tan and leave the house without getting funny glares!!! You do have to be a little more careful with the application, because it does streak, but if you pick up the St. Tropez Tan Self Tan Remover you will be good until you die. They say it works gradually, but honestly after 2 applications I noticed a HUGE difference. I also got this at Nordstrom for just $18, but know it is available at Sephora and the Bare Essentuals website.

I have used both of these tanners on my face, and I have the most sensitive face on the planet, without any problems. So the whole idea of getting their special facial self tanners seems like a waste to me. Neither have caused breakouts or uneven skin tone or blotchieness, which is a BONUS around these here parts.

If you are in a hurry for a weekend get away, or a reunion, and don't have time to get that rubbed on glow, do pay for a couple of the Mystic Tans. (Unless of course you are claustrophobic, then run like the wind.) Be sure to get the BRONZE spray so you can see where it is and if there are going to be streaks, and ask that they go over everything with you. It is quick, you notice results within 2 hours, and even though they are a little spendy it can make that weekend in a strappy dress go from horrific, to FANTASTIC.

So run, don't walk to get you some fake tan, and you don't have to tell anyone that it's fake. Just tell them you got back from a vacation to the isle of Hot Mama. Afterall, Hot Mama's only share their beauty secrets with other Hot Mama's!