I have said it before, but I was reminded today of just how much I HATE THE ZOO.
We took Toddler after school since the sun is shining and it is above 50 degrees here. We THOUGHT it would be a great day for a family outing. We THOUGHT it would be a great day to see the animals. WE WERE FUCKING WRONG.
When we arrived at the zoo there was no parking. All of the lots (Alligator through Fish) were full, and we had to park on the shoulder and hike a half a mile to the gate....no problem the exercise would do us all some good. Then we waited in the membership line for 10 minutes to renew....once inside I remembered that we live in a state with 4 weeks of spring break, and this is week 3.
Children, parents, disgusting teenagers humping each other in broad daylight were everywhere as far as the eye could see. We would be damn lucky by the time we were done if we caught a glimpse of any animal...even the crows that scavenge all the food from the cafes.
Toddler started at the play area. The place that I hate the most. It is intended for LITTLE kids, but there are always parents there sitting on their fat asses letting their older kids steam roll over the little ones. Toddler could not have been happier had he been a pig in shit. I had to bribe him away with ice cream.
We did get to go to the aquarium, which Toddler announced was "Lame" and "Boring" and we did see the elephants and the tiger. (Who did not roar like I thought a Tiger should roar. It was more of a "MOOOOOOOM" kind of thing. Like he was sick.) And I think we saw a monkey. Honestly if we saw more I cannot remember....because the sea of fat white butt cracks and sticky little hands that were ramming into me unattended had me in a sheer state of panic.
Now we are home and I can drink some coffee and relax a bit, and not think about the zoo at the zoo. Next time we go I think we will go when they open...and I will be sure that I am heavily sedated or that my flask is tucked in my purse. Lord knows that the zoo would make a killing if they just would open a bar for us moms who can't tolerate all of the insanity!!